Sometimes I feel compelled to write a reactionary post. Usually these are for venting purposes.
Once or twice, I've felt compelled to write about a loss, and this is one of those times.
Back in early 2015 a friend of mine shared a blog post, from Five Fairies and a Fella http://fivefairiesandafella.com
I don't remember exactly which post it was, but from Jules' turn of phrase and her absolute spunky fighting attitude, I was instantly in her corner on her fight to live, when all stats said she wouldn't.
Jules and I have a few things in common, though my fairies are younger and one fewer, we each have a youngest with a Trisomy. A mother by occupation, who had something to say, with words as her instrument and who wasn't backing down from the idea that she would just survive, even if it was not supposed to be possible.
What I loved most about Jules is that from all I have read it appears that she was very much in the same place I am just a couple of years ago, yet she decided at one point not to be scared anymore. She decided on what was important to her and began, by ticking off items on her bucket list I suppose, to actually live her life the way she had always wanted to.
She obviously began blogging, she threw herself into her writing, finished her tertiary studies. By the time I had been following her a year, she had beaten the odds several times, not died at least once, and published a book - travelling the country to promote it. (It was such a pleasure to brighten her day during one rough moment by sharing a picture of her book on display at my local library.)
Of all the people I have met on Facebook and never met in real life, she is the one who will stay with me, because she left an indelible mark on me. She could have been me, and when you have so much in common with someone you feel what happens to them in such a real way.
Because of Jules I will be working on creating memories for my children while I am fit and well.
Because of Jules I will write down my thoughts for my daughters while I think them.
Because of Jules I will grant importance to my own dreams and goals and start living the life I actually want to live.
Because of Jules I will not let something go if I sense there is something not right with my body, but I will get it checked, because not being around for my children is a much scarier thought than any diagnosis might be.
I am sad that I never got to meet Jules. I really think we would have had a good time.
I feel for her Fella and Fairies, so much. Words seem empty, when trying to convey an understanding of the emptiness that Jules' loss must have left in its wake. I send them all the love I can muster.
And so Vale Jules, you defied the odds so many times. If anyone could beat it, you could. Maybe no-one can. You grabbed life by the horns and lived that life like it was going out of style. You will be remembered. Not just by those who knew you, but by those who would have liked to, if things were different. You made a difference and you left your mark. Fare well.