Keeping Sane in Isolation

So about 6 years ago, I was in a hospital ward, having just waved my husband and two daughters off on their trip to England for him to be a best man and them to be flower girls at his brother’s wedding. We were not allowed to go because ‘the doctors said’, missing the biggest event of my daughters’ lives up til that point and the trip of a lifetime.

These weeks were without a doubt the most heartbreaking for me in all of Jacinta’s leukaemia treatment. Before we cue the violins, let’s just remember that her leukaemia journey was a walk in the park compared with those who had the other kinds and especially those who didn’t make it.

We did get used to isolation though. Two different kinds. There was the isolation of the hospital room. Jacinta didn’t like me to leave. She didn’t like it to the extent that she would spring a high temp, her respiratory and heart rates would soar and nobody could fix it - except Mummy. Awesome ego boost but not great for being able to leave the room during waking hours.

Accordingly, I didn’t eat except what she didn’t finish throughout the day - which was ok if she was off her food, but not ideal if she was feeling hungry. If she went to sleep before 8 I would manage to get a meal from one of the takeaway places that make actual food. If it was after 8;45 it was McDonald’s or something from the little corner store. Tinned tuna and Kingston biscuits, that sort of thing. After 10pm it would be something from the vending machine.

The TV was on whatever would keep her amused. I started bingewatching How I Met Your Mother on my laptop late at night - I’m pretty sure bingewatching wasn’t even a thing at that point.

Overall, my favourite days were the ones when my middlest came in to spend  the day. Twice a week she hung out at the hospital with us. She would get bored but there were things to do here or there to break it up. That was my plan - to not become a novelty and to still be a boring mum who says ‘no’ half the time and has lame ideas for keeping you entertained. That’s where I found that creating pockets of time split up by meals and things that happen at certain times meant that you were only bored a couple of times a day.

Then there was the other kind. It was when you were well enough to go home, you just basically couldn’t go anywhere with people. Jacinta was the one in isolation, but I wasn’t allowed to leave, so by default I was too 99% of the time.

We didn’t see the inside of Chadstone for that whole year. (We did our grocery shopping there normally, so we were very much regulars) We went two places: school pickup and the park.
I think we might have made one concession and gone to Easter lunch, but it was still good weather then. By the time winter hit, we were turning down invitations left right and centre.

It was actually quite lonely, and it really did bother me after a time, because yet again we’d say goodbye to the other half of the family while Jacinta and I stayed home. It felt so awfully unfair. Not to mention that my husband was studying more than full time and working from home part time as well. I couldn’t work and being in hospital is expensive. There wasn’t a lot of cash to spare - is putting it mildly.

So the reason I bring this all up now is firstly because I realised what date it is, and second that one of the things I found when chatting in the parents’ kitchen at the Children’s is that you’d generally always prefer your crappy situation to the next person’s, and they think yours is terrible and wonder how you deal with it. So I’m telling you mine, so you can feel better about yours.

Also, we have the luxury of not being bothered about isolation. Been there, done that. We’re just whipping out the old routines etc and bunkering down like we did for that two weeks when whooping cough went through school. (We did some home learning then. Ad hoc literacy and numeracy. Kept things rolling.)

We did learn some things about isolation so I thought I’d pass on to you what I learned on case it helps. I’ve numbered them so you can get your kids to count them as homework when the holidays are over.

1. Keep connected.
We have the technology now. Skype, Skype, FaceTime, Skype and more Skype. We spoke as a family every day when we were separated, with the exception of the England bit. I was at the wedding, on my husband’s phone, - of course the video cut out right when my daughters were walking down the aisle...but I got a wave from the bride! I got to speak to a few loved ones at the wedding too,  and there’s a photo of me talking to my husband’s Aunty.  You can’t see me. She’s talking at his phone screen and I’m in the phone, but like the video of me at my uncle’s wedding in my mum’s tummy - I AM there!  There’s no limit on conversations so have as many as you need - even more than you think you need.

2. Don’t think it has to be boring.
So, I see people bought a lot of oats. That’s lovely, but if I’m going into isolation oats are one of the last things I’m buying up on. How many people are eating oats daily? When I thought about isolation, the first thing I thought of was chocolate. So I bought up a stash of chocolate. I then bought our regular foods with an emphasis on the plastic packaged meats that last a month just in case and I bought some treats. We’ve been having more fun foods since we all got told to stay home.
The other thing I bought up on was puzzles and games for the kids. This is the perfect time for everyone to master Cleudo. And remember, you can go outside. We went to the mountains to get out of the house here and there. We’d do a home made car spotting scavenger hunt on the way there.

3. It doesn’t have to be serious
When Jacinta had leukaemia there was very little uncertainty. 80% success rate, prescribed treatment plan. Tick the boxes, better. Done. There was the odd temperature here and there throwing a spanner in the works but apart from that it was planned and executed. There was no need to be serious, or freak out, or panic. Even when she got sick with paraflu and RSV at the same time and had to be on oxygen for the better part of a week (now that was never fun or straightforward - repositioning a carefully placed oxygen mask, not on her face, every time she moved overnight made for shattered sleep) we weren’t worried or panicking or serious. She definitely wasn’t serious. She usually got the giggles around 10pm. I always kept it light because as soon as the mood drops, so does the prognosis. We did RSV a coupe of times so we got used to that routine. It never got dull though. You’re allowed to laugh.

4. Love helps, a lot.
When finding the funny side didn’t help, cuddles always did. When it got tough, she just needed to know that there was a safe place and a source of love to recharge from and have a quiet moment.  Cuddles pretty much fixed everything. They still do. Whoever you’ve got nearby who loves you, cuddle them. If you have to be isolated from them, say all the lovely things to them over Skype - and maybe leave out the less lovely things that don’t need to be said. They can wait.

5. The rules change.
During 2014 I put on several kilos because I had to prioritise my sanity over my weight with limited eating and exercise options in hospital. I made that actual decision to work it out later and let my body be whatever shape it needed. I foresee a lot of ‘post-isolation’ workout routines and diets coming ahead. Whatever.
The sanity of everyone is more important than running a tight ship. The ship might be approaching the shore in a very wobbly fashion in a few months’ time. That’s fine as long as the passengers are having a good time. My girls got used to the odd day when they could watch all the TV while jumping on the couch eating a packet of biscuits. These were the days when I had not had enough sleep or was unwell and my parenting abilities were limited to making sure they didn’t starve and making sure they didn’t kill themselves doing something stupid.
As soon as they said ‘Can we watch Frozen?’ at 9am and I said ‘yes’, they would look at me hopefully and say ‘are the rules out the window’. These became known as ‘rules out the window’ days. These are days when you move the boundaries way out with the understanding that they’ll be back in place tomorrow. Just everyone needs a day off today.

6. Splurge.
I started finding ways to make isolation life nicer in some ways than normal life. We weren’t super flush, so I’d buy little inexpensive things that I normally wouldn’t. I discovered Wish.com - the home of some eye-boggling outfits and crazily inexpensive nick nacks and little toys. I had these coming from time to time and they would just arrive and the girls would get to see what they were and see if they were good or rubbish. If I couldn’t afford to buy yummy things I would bake yummy things.
This is one of things I’ve enjoyed doing this week which is buying little treats. We had cakes from the cafe which has now closed, last week. This week I bought flowers for the house for no reason, ice cream from the local Cold Rock for no reason. Things are not super tight for us yet so I figure we have a responsibility to spend where there are small local businesses needing support. These things make isolation more fun.
There are many ways you can splurge. Splurge on love and hugs. Share twice as many funny things on Facebook. Ring your mum or someone you love more often than you normally would. Call the people you haven’t seen in 10 years. Go on YouTube and see what crafty things people are doing and find the ones you can feasibly do at home. Actually make the Frame It thing from Mr Maker. You can be as decadent as you like with the good things in life. The best things actually cost nothing.

7. Look for the bright side
It was during one of these periods of isolation that I started Good News Friday on my Facebook page because I felt surrounded by doom and gloom. The principle is simple. You find the bright side to your week. Sometimes it’s hidden way down there, but with a bit of looking you can find it. Sometimes it’s up there singing from the rooftops.
Looking for the bright side gets you through anything.
I’m not saying it’s easy, but the more you do it the easier it is to do. The more you do it the less stressed you feel about the hard things. It takes the edge off.
Now that I think of it, I think I actually had that final scene from  Life of Brian on loop in my head during the tricky times. It’s a catchy tune, no doubt about it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJUhlRoBL8M

                                                                ***************

So we’re all navigating this new thing which is isolating together. It’s a new fun way to isolate for us. Everyone else is doing it too, so they don’t get offended when you aren’t coming because they’re not even inviting anyone anyway. Everything’s cancelled, for everybody. Just about everyone has a new money issue to one degree or another and I have to say I’m not worried about the prospect of it anywhere near as much as I was when we were the only ones in that boat. There’s no shame in losing your job or taking a pay cut right now, when so many others are in the same situation. This time will pass and we’ll get there.

I wish you all a rollicking time in isolation. Done properly everyone should be saying ‘Oh, is isolation over? I was enjoying that!’ I hope we all start lovely new togetherness rituals that persist long beyond this isolation. And remember why we’re doing this, it’s to keep the hospital beds free for those who need them, many of whom live life like this most of the time.

Thank you for doing your part.

And the main thing to remember is that life doesn’t have to be completely different. My a capella quartet came into the hospital and we kept rehearsing. I had been asked to sing at the wedding so I asked my husband’s other brother to come in to the hospital and record me doing a version I created of the song, as a substitute for me being there. These examples can’t be recreated because of distance, but the point was that we got creative about how to keep going. Maybe your book club can video call.  My friends from school are talking about grabbing a wine and conference calling one night from our lounge rooms. Easter will be different, but my family are Skyping that one. You can still have your birthday, it;s just a new challenge about how you’re going to do it.

Life goes on. It’ s up to you how it goes!

Happy March!

Well, it seems I owe you two birthday posts and a whole lot of updates!

It’s definitely time we caught up. 

So where do I begin?

I think I’ll just show you the album and talk as we go...

So this is when Jacinta started school last year in January. She goes to a mainstream school and is in a regular class with funding for aides 75% of the time. The school funds the other 25% while she gets toileting sorted and until she stops running off. These things are improving all the time. 

This is when she graduated from Kindergarten in December 2018.(That’s preschool here.) 

This is when something hilarious was going on.  Hilarious things are often going on. 

This is after her tonsil, adenoid & grommet surgery in late 2019. Note correct use of cutlery.
We love correct use of cutlery!

This is yesterday. Wobbly tooth. Number 6 I think...
(3rd child,  not paying attention)

Still hilarious

Trip to Sydney last July took us to Mme Tussaud’s. J did loads of these photos.  Loved it.

First ballet concert! October 2018.
Jacinta has a love-hate relationship with ballet. As speech improves we’re continuing to troubleshoot  being part of the group and joining in, despite the enthusiasm we have right up until entering the room. I’m pretty certain it will be ‘that was because the room was too cold’ or something daft like that when we talk about it in 5 years’ time. 

7th Birthday! After a lovely birthday play date with her best kinder friend Millie. 

First excursion in 2018. This was a trip to The Very Hungry Caterpillar stage show and we went on the bus,
which was a big adventure.

In Sydney at the tower they used to call Centrepoint. Note the doggy backpack with a leash - I swore I wouldn’t go there, but we didn’t bring the pram to Sydney and I just couldn’t carry her everywhere. Honesty though, it has been a useful tool in discipline with regard to running off. I figure I’d get much more dirty looks if I let her run on the road and get squashed than I do having her on the doggy backpack.  Whatever. 

Jacinta was a flower girl for her Aunty and Uncle’s wedding  in November 2018. That was loads of fun. 

Someone will be blogging soon! This was from last year. 

We’ve had so many milestones. Lost teeth, dry days at school, 100 days of school, whole year at school, student of the week, birthdays etc.
First haircut....

This is the after shot.

School has been an interesting learning curve for everyone involved. He prep teacher was pleasantly surprised when she smashed most of the goals of her 6-month individual learning plan. We obviously know she’s intelligent but had no idea how learning in a noisy fast-paced group environment would go. She’s going along ok. She’s learned all her golden, red and nearly blue reading words (wizard words, google if necessary) so she can read basic readers pretty easily. I predict she’ll be reading this blog in a couple of years. Might have to go back and review what I’ve written.....

Maths is an interesting challenge, being a very abstract subject. We don’t talk about abstract much since it relies on more developed communication than we have got here. Thankfully the talking is coming along since the grommet surgery. 

Therapy has taken a backseat since I went back to full-time work. I have to work out getting her there, but might get the therapists to come to us instead. Life is very, very busy. 

So right now, it’s very like having a NT school child, but also having a 2-3 year old in some regards. I   suppose that it’s like having two children and will be until those skills are learned. As with all children, my job is to do myself out of a job. We’re definitely working on it! Jacinta included. 

Throwback for cuteness!
This was 2014 during leukaemia.
Glad that’s over!